Complications

Lost forever, and you said this
is going nowhere, girl.
And you said I turned my back on.
You said I'll not the only one for you.

Please give me one more try for the sake of our love
Let's give it one more chance
coz I can't give you up.
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I could never find another like you.

One more try by A1

I just want to clarify this that I am not an avid fan of boy bands specifically A1.Its just that I was totally affected when someone kept singing this song and it got me irritated but deep inside, it made me shiver and fell in love again for the THIRD time.

I think this will be my last post when it comes to my emotions for someone whom I loved most but let’s accept the reality that it is already part of my past.

Things got complicated “again” when he texted me not just friendly messages but love quotes “and I received phone calls with his name in my phone screen (obviously). I knew he was trying to catch my heart AGAIN and AGAIN. It wasn’t being a “feelerette” but I was just a person trying to absorb everything that he wanted to convey and the mere fact that he was courting me AGAIN and AGAIN.

We became lovers for four years and broke up and again, we try to patch things up and be lovers for a second time in six months. Unfortunately, things got worst so we ended our relationship all over again with bitterness in our hearts. We try to comprehend our feelings and I could consider him as my “special friend” even though I told him that we were just PLAIN FRIENDS “daw”.

I knew that I really love him in a first place. I was not blinded by his actions that he was showing the love and concern in spite of long distances that we had. I really knew him from head to toe or in Pinoy idiomatic expression “alam ko ang likaw ng kanyang bituka”.

But the complicated part was I told him that I am a person who doesn’t believe in long lasting relationships. If someone like him would make me feel that I am the most beautiful transvestite in the world because he loved me for the rest of his life, well, REALITY CHECK! I can never bear a child for him to know the essence of what we called family.

No matter how he explained to me his emotions and blah blah blah… I knew that I wanted to live my life “again” with his love and trust but eventually… IM AFRAID THAT YOU WILL LEAVE ME AND SAY… I WANT TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO WILL COMPLETE MY DREAM TO HAVE A WONDERFUL FAMILY AND TO HAVE KIDS IN MY OWN BLOOD.

That’s the primary reason why I don’t want to have a relationship with him “again” coz I’m facing the truth in my life. We are not teens that being drama queen is the best way when it comes to this matter. I am almost confused to the point that loving him is the hardest thing I experienced in my whole life and if I could turn back the time, I wish that I was not able to be your friend and a lover. I wish that you are a stranger in my existence.

I hope you will read this post. Kinikilig ako sa mga ginagawa mo and its normal but deep inside, it kills me so much that all these things that you did to me will ended up into nothing. I decided not to be your lover again.

But remember this: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SO THAT”S THE REASON I’M SETTING YOU FREE… (ouch!)