I AM A CERTIFIED #1 LOOSER!

I don’t know why… but I consider myself as a LOOSER…

I just wanted to convey that I don’t want to feel pity on me guys… and it’s not an emo emo thingy that just wanted to make “emote or inarte”

It was thursday night when my phone vibrated and my phone played my favorite song “mad” which was my text tone and I was really shocked when my “long lost friend” texted me.

He was my childhood friend. But his family decided to migrate in Canada when I was in junior high school and we had only a communication through e-mail and I should say, a big thanx to “ROAMING” (may Globe kasi siya ngayon…)

Stories about my life are really an open book to him. When roads get rough in my journey towards existence, he is the one who introduces me to a door of hope and courage. Whenever I feel alone and something is bothering in my mind, I just text him and say… “SANA NAMAN HINDI KA BUSY PARA MAGREPLY KA… BTW I NEED TO TALK WITH YOU… SANA MAGCHAT TAYO”

One thing that I really like him is… MASYADO SIYANG PRANKA! In other words, he has my authorization to scold me in a sense of saying below the belt things to the point that I ended up crying (Siya lang nagpapaiyak sa akin ng REPUS!). He is really sadist when it comes to words that apparently… I can sue him a slander case(too exaggerated) for saying things like “KUNG GANYAN ANG MANGYAYARI, PAKAMATAY KA! SUPOTAHAN PA KITA!”. I know he’s too harass to say those things but its his thought of expressing his answers to my problems and try to make me cry to release all the tensions that I’ve felt inside(ALAM NIYA HATE KO ANG UMIYAK).

So… we talked on the phone (maraming salamt sa SUN CELL) for two hours and he just wanted to say that he was here in the Philippines. I was happy and hopefully, we will meet this April. But as usual, I heard ruthless words coz he heard so many things about my studies, my family and my lovelife “daw”. He scolded me and say this sarcastic thoughts...

“Nung high school ka, masyado kang matapobre na sinasabi mo sa lahat ng tao na after college, isa ka na sa mga taong dapat tingalain at tularan. Kung tutuusin, saludo naman ako sayo…nung high school ka pa. Masyado ka kasing talented at matalino. Wala rin akong duda na matatag talaga ang loob mo. Pero asan ka ngayon? Halos tapos na kami ng college at ikaw… kailan ka gragraduate? Next year? Dapat nagdoctorate ka nalang!. Ang dami dami mo pang problema sa buhay… ni ultimo hindi kumplikado ginagawa mong mahirap. Palibhasa, di ba gusto mo ng challenge? Gusto mong mabuhay mag-isa? Kailangan mo ng space di ba? Ngayon… sinong gago at pariwara ang buhay? IKAW!”

It’s really true… honestly, I am really disappointed and ashamed for being who am I. disappointed because I know I can achieve my dreams and have peace of mind but eventually, I am making these things complicated to reach. Ashamed because I am a person who try to escape the problems I had and be experimental to face those set of hurdles. I am a person that when I want to give up, I suddenly run and try new things to cover the hurdles that I had and it ended up an overload multitude of troubles on the other day or a week.

I am a looser… for not finishing my studies in just 4 or 5 years. I know that some of my classmates in high school try to think that I am working in one of the big companies nowadays as written in our class prophecy before. I know for a fact that some of them have workloads now and earning their own money unlike me, I am still a PAL airlines or “PALAMUNIN” to my parents. I know that these people has already achieve their dreams right now to have a bachelor’s degree and be proud for the rest of their lives and I’m a looser and a failure that I was not able to graduate as your batch mate based on your expectations… sorry…

I am looser… for not accepting the reality that I am selfish. Selfish in a sense of I was thinking about my own feelings and thoughts. I know that I didn’t accept and recognize my papa’s bastards and try not to have reconciliation for the benefit of my own good. I know that I don’t want to have peace of mind and live my life full of burdens and anxieties.

I am looser… for not loving someone (again) whom he loves me so much. I know that he will sacrifice everything to revive our relationship and commitment and unfortunately, I insist that it’s not going to work and I am already thinking the consequences and be pessimistic in advanced. I am forcing him to let go of me but I’m a certified liar that I know myself that I really love him. In other words… I am the one who make these matters worse.

I am a looser, that sometimes; I don’t want to understand things more clearly and vividly. I know I am witty and I know I am totally dumb and annoying. Sometimes, people try to initiate that I am dumb in everything that I’ve done. Others try to think that I am trying hard to speak, write and spill things out when it comes to English proficiency. I know that I was not gifted to be a good athlete, a cook and in math problems. Some people think that I am too little for them because of my capacity and ability.

I am a looser… for I know that my gender was different. Some people tried to underestimate my character and these people try to discriminate me because of sexual preferences. Each day went by; I know that I was facing persons who were judgmental. I know I was special and “abnormal”. I am a failure coz I was made to be a hormonger to the church’s perception and a curse in our society.

I know my weaknesses yet, I try to improve and work these things out. I am not perfect as an old cliché says. Even though I keep telling to myself that I am not affected by their thoughts but in summed up to be a pain in my heart and soul.

I have to fix myself first in order for me to realize on what are the things that I wanted to change and remain constant on the things that I don’t want to change at all. Somehow, I was merely LOST but I’m trying to cope up with it.

This is it! I am looking for tough things and try these worse and try to fix it and learn from my mistakes.
Being a looser doesn’t mean that you have to give up and be contented that your life is a mess. I personally agree that my life is a trash but as of now, I’m trying to patch things up and learn… learn… learn from my failures in this cruel world.

Pinangarap ko lang

Actually, I was not feeling well this past few days at pati ngayon. Kagabi, di ako makatulog at ewan ko ba kung bakit. Sobrang dami ng pop-ups sa aking brain (parang windows lang!) na kung anu-ano nalang ang aking naiisip pati ang dream wedding ko (pagkaambisyosa!) naiisipan ko pa!! Nakakaloka!

Siguro, nainsecure lang ata ako sa post ni Optimistic Dora tungkol sa kanyang mga pangarap na tingin talaga naming ni marvin eh LUHO na nga. Di naman sa pagiging ingitera pero ako rin naman ang tao na sobrang dami ng pangarap sa buhay…

Well… check it out if pangarap ba to or LUHO o AMBISYON o SOCIAL CLIMBER ata ako…

Things that I wanted to have in year 2017… (aba! My timeline talaga)



*magkaroon ng bahay na sing laki ng Mall of Asia
* magkaroon ng sasakyan na tulad ng sasakyang COASTER na may Living area, Dining area at banyo pati “little pool” (di naman kiddie pool) sa loob ng sasakyan.
* magkaroon ng Maxi dress na ‘fully beaded” at ang beads ay puro diamonds
* magkaroon ng tatlong piraso na Hermes Bag na worth 2.5 million at mga colors ay red, blue and black.
* magkaroon ng EVERYDAY OUTFIT na ang designer ay “PRADA”. Kung local designers naman… ok na sa akin si Kate Torralba
* magkaroon ng tatlong cabinet na ang nasa loob ay puro Louis Vitton na bags (honestly, dalawang LV na bags meron ako pero gusto ko madami para Bongga!.
* magkaroon ng isang estante ng designer shoes na ang brand ay Charles Jordan.
*magkaroon ng Botique na cocompete kay Rene salud at ang name… BARTARRDA BOUTIQUE
*magkaroon ng malamagarbong Mikimoto Pearls na crown para di na ako maiingit sa Ms. Universe.

Wala na akong maisip pero so far… yan ang mga pangarap ko sa buhay… hindi naman masayadong mahal di ba?

Usapang kalye…

Psst… ititgil ko muna ang pagpost ng English dahil masyado akong nawiwili sa pagpost ng english mode. In fairness to myelf… hehe!! Anyway… tinigil ko muna ang sarili ko na mag-overnyt sa office sa kadahilanang masama ang aking pakirandam at gusto ko munang magpahinga at makakuha ulit ng lakas pangangatawan at energy galing sa aking mahiwagang bed.

At mantakin ba naman na useless din ang aking pagrest dahil mga 3am na ako nakakatulog at sinasadya ko talagang manood ng documentary shows mapaGMA o ABS-CBN.

Favorite ko talagang panoorin ang mga docu shows at ewan ko ba kung bakit. May mga times kasi na maganda ang topic na kanilang pinapakita at nakakarelate minsan ang mga Pilipino (pwede naman ako lang!) sa kanilang mga episodes tulad nalang ng Eye Witness ng GMA (endorsement?).

Kagabi, wala akong choice na panoorin ang KALYE sa ABS dahil blurred ang reception ng kabilang istasyon. Sa totoo lang, di ko maappreciate ang KALYE dahil mababaw ang stories nila at walang kakwenta kwenta ang mga footages na literal talaga na pangkalye. Yung tipong matutulog ang mga anchors sa kalye, pag-uusapan ang buhay ng isang pulubi na pamumukha sa viewers na sadyang mahirap ang maging pulubi at di naman tayo tanga na di natin alam na mas mahirap pa sa daga ang pulubi (in journalists words… STATING THE OBVIOUS).


Pero sinabi ko nga, wala akong choice. Nagulat ako sa mga topics nila dahil di na siya mababaw. Super heartwarming ang story tungkol sa isang youth organization na ang instrumento nila na maturuan ang mga street children ay ang kariton na puno ng libro at kung anu-ano pang mga school supplies. Sobrang nakakatouch pa kasi ang lugar na kung saan nila tinuturuan ang mga street children ay sa sementeryo (take note… umaga’t hapon naman nila isinasagawa ang pagtuturo…). Nominated ang nasabing youth organization sa CNN heroes award at nakatanggap na rin ng maraming parangal.

Alam naman nating lahat na may mga pagkakataon, di ginagampanan ng gobyerno ang tungkulin nila sa bayan. Kahirapan ang siyang unang dahilan na kakabit nito ay katiwalian ng mga taong nakaupo sa kanilang posisyon sa gobyerno. Edukasyon ang pangunahing sandata para makalabas sa ganitong uri ng problema.

Sa tindi ng sikat ng araw ay patuloy na naglalakad at pinapaandar ang mga karitong laman ay puro libro at school supplies. Sabi nga nila, ang kariton ay simbolo ng kahirapan at pinipilit nila itong ibahin para ito naman ay maging daan para sa edukasyon at ilayo ang mga bata sa kamangmagan.

Tama nga naman sila at saludo ako sa kanilang advocacies.



Isa ring nakakalokang isyu na kanilang pinalabas ay tunkol sa Manila Bay. lumaki ako sa Maynila at 17 years ng buhay ko eh nakalagak sa aking hometown. Alam ko rin naman na sobrang dumi ng Manila Bay at di talaga ako nangarap na lumangoy o kahit idampi lang ang aking mga paa doon.

Di rin naman ako bulag na pag namamasyal ako sa baywalk pati na sa CCP (Culutral Center of the Philippines), marami talaga akong nakikita na mga taong naliligo doon. Siyempre, ramdam ko ang pangdidiri na di naman sa mahirap sila pero pangdidiri in a sense of CATCH BASIN ng dumi ng buong kaMaynilaan ang Manila Bay. In other words, doon lahat nakabinbin lahat ng basura, kemikal at dumi ng tao sa nasabing dagat.

Mas lalo kong naintindihan ang kadumihan ng mga Bay tulad ng Manila Bay (obviously) nung nagsulat ako ng article sa Enviromental Journalism kay Sir. Amards tungkol sa Rizal Boulevard ng Dumaguete City. Mataas din ang bacteria sa nasabing boulevard dahil Catch Basin din ito ng dumi sa buong City ng Dumaguete. Buti nalang, may water treatment facilities na nilagay ang LGU o local government unit para mabawasan ang dumi at bacteria sa Rizal Boulevard.

Sana nga lang may ganoong facilities din ang ilagay sa Manila Bay para naman malinisan ito ng unti. Sabi nila, 7 na truck ng basura ang nakukuhang mga garbage sa Manila Bay linggo linggo. At sabi daw ng DENR, ilang taon pa ang igugugol para malinisan ng husto ang dagat na kung tutuusin, 14 years old pa ata ako nung marinig ko ang KAPIT BISIG PARA SA PASIG na ang layunin ay linisin ang Ilog Pasig at hanggang ngayon, madumi pa rin kung makikita at malalanghap mo pero slight lang naman (at least may improvement) and means to say na matagal na proseso talaga ang pagsa-ayos ng mga ganitong bagay.

Sana, lahat ng problema sa ating bayan eh maayos na. di rin naman natin to maayos kung di rin magsisimula sa ating mga sarili.

Ang pag-nood ng ganitong mga palabas ay totoong nakakamulat ng mata at isipan sa ating mga pinoy. Totoong usapang kalye ito pero di naman literal na usapang bugbugan ng mga tambay, salitang kalye o mga usap-usapang chismax galing sa kipitbahay. Siguro bilang isang mamamahayag, karapatan ko rin namang ipahayag sa inyo ang ganitong klase ng suliranin sa ating paligid.

versions 101

hohoi!! actually, i made this poem when i was 15 years old. It just popped into my mind a while ago and I didn’t know why (honestly!). And as I was typing my simple poem, it made me realize not to post it in my blog in a serious manner.

Anyway, can’t keep my thoughts this day and that’s why I’m sharing this to you guys…
Ahmm… by the way… Emps… kindly see my chatbox or cbox and you will see my response there ok? (wag maging tanga ha!)


Version #1 TAGALOG MODE “serious eto”

Bugso-bugsong ulan
Panapanahon nga naman
Sa bawat araw na dumadaan sa kalendaryo

Patuloy ang pag-ulan
Dumadaloy sa aking mata
Naghihintay ng paglisan ng madilim na ulap

Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit
Patuloy ang pagbuhos ng ulan
Saksi ang mga bituin…

Pilit mang pinapaagos
Puso’t isipan koy nakagapos
Pag-apak sa tubig
Bigyang diin ang tinig

Pilit mang inaalis
Damdamin koy nagbibihis
Pagtapak sa tubig
Basang-basa sa ulan

Version #2 BINABOY NA ENGLISH MODE

Rain rain heavy rains
Weather weather are you fine (huh?)
Each day of the monthly marathon of calendar (whatt….)

Rain rain continual rain (continual?)
Running mercilessly in my eyes (lami!)
Waiting for tonight… wooh (lyrics) shadows of blacks clouds saying bye!

You are the one (who makes me happy..)
The reason why the rains are there
Primary witness case# 2453 stars are blind…

I try to make choo choo (pinapaagos kasi)
And my heart and my brain has handcuffs (huh?)
Step no step yes in water (unsa?)
Press the button and lets play voice (loto ba kamo)

I try to go away…(inaalis kasi)
My emotions has many wardrobes (tama nga naman…)
Step up and dance in water
Wet look in the rain (ganda ng title)

VERSION#3 GAY LINGGO MODE

Jugsae jugsae ang lalounalou kaw ba yan?
Alolor ang area of responsibility
Salomer ang jurawansmetch sa calendar method at id rhythm method

Overpowering ang lalounalou signal number 5
Chuhikapsmetchka sa aysangsou ang cryola 48 colors
678 B.C ang traditional farewell walk ni egra-naea na clowdine

Jomoms ang rason
Why gasketch ang cryola sa ngowan
Juxitxaxi ang mga starlettes

Ilitpaea ang pagflushflood
Heartstrings at memoplus gold ay nakapearly shells
Pag-jupaksters sa gitob
Give love on Christmas day ang drama sa voi sang sou

Ilipaea ang juhawa HAWA severguenza!
Gafashion show ang emoticons
Pag-apakthea tola sa gitob
Jusa Jusa sa lalounalou

PASENCIYA!!!

ang sarap talagang matuto ng photoshop!! ulit pasenciya!! hehe!!
(friends baya me ana niya!... waz char!)


Hahahaha!!! Tama na ang pag-emote. Minsan sa buhay natin, may ganun talagang factor. Di talaga maiiwasan ang mga pangyayaring biglaang magpost ng ENGLISH MODE at mabigla ang ilang TAO diyan sa tabi tabi. Hahaha!! Feel ko lang mag-emote kahapon habang nag-eedit ng dokyu namin na di pa rin tapos hanggang ngayon. (kahit ngayon, habang nag-eedit ng video, nagpapatangal ng stress sa tulong ng pagblog… PASENCIYA!

Una sa lahat, isang malaking Pasenciya sa mga taong minsang nagnonosebleed sa aking mga post. Siguro parte na sa personality ko ang magimbento, magsalita ng kung anu-anong mga out of this world na words at gamitin sa everyday life ko. Kung tingin ng iba eh annoying na daw… well isang malaking Pasenciya kasi YOU CANNOT CHANGE ME! Aw?

Ikalawa, habang nagdidiskusyon kami dito sa TN office regarding sa isang biglaang post ko ng ENGLISH MODE, biglang naiba ang ihip ng hangin at nag-usap kami ni Joel My life tungkol sa walang kamatayang GENDER ISSUES patungkol sa aming dalawa. Siguro, iba lang talaga ang pananaw niya tungkol sa buhay at landas na meron ako na para bang gusto niyang ipamukha sa akin na sana naging bisexual nalang ako para maranasan ko ang kagandahan at kasarapan ng buhay lalo na sa sa buhay SEX. (aw? Im so sorry pero that’s the fact). Tanggapin nalang natin ang katotohanan na kahit anong specie ka pa ng GAYLANDIA (wala akong tinatamaan na tao… slight lang) eh pare-parehas lang ang motibo at pananaw ang mga baklush. All we want is to love and to be loved by someone. Hayy naku… sa totoo lang, pilit kong iniintidi ang perception niya tungkol sa buhay ko pero kung madali kang maimbyerna… sorry to say… baka maexperience niya ang pagkamatay ni Hector na ginuyod sa karo ni Achilles at nilampaso sa buong kaharian ng Troy (sa mga taong nagnosebleed tungkol sa statement na yan… plz… iretake ang world literature ha! Isang malaking Pasenciya!)

Ikatlo, ibubuhos ko ang lahat ng malaking Pasenciya sa friend ko na si AIMI. Ako ang dahilan kung bakit naextend ang kanyang pagstay dito sa Pinas at alam ko rin na wala na siyang trabahong babalikan dahil sa pagextend niya ng bakasyong walang okasyon. Aims im so sorry kung di na kita maabutan diyan sa Manila coz busy talaga ako ngayon. Mga next next week pa ata ako makakauwi sa ating bundok. Di bale, magkikita naman tayo ulit next year kung buhay ka pa ng mga panahong iyon. Wala na akong masyadong dapat sabihin sayo coz alam mo naman tayo… mga chikadora pag nag-usapkala mo parang walang bukas. Basta, ingat ka sa Japan ha… ang Yakuza musta naman? Di ka pa ba nila hinuhunting? Baka may utang ka sa kanila? Ang kipay ingatan ha! Wag mahayok doon! Basta Bon Voyage nalang. Ang lecheng Mitsubashi ko asan na! hehe!! Super Pacensiya talaga…

Complications

Lost forever, and you said this
is going nowhere, girl.
And you said I turned my back on.
You said I'll not the only one for you.

Please give me one more try for the sake of our love
Let's give it one more chance
coz I can't give you up.
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I could never find another like you.

One more try by A1

I just want to clarify this that I am not an avid fan of boy bands specifically A1.Its just that I was totally affected when someone kept singing this song and it got me irritated but deep inside, it made me shiver and fell in love again for the THIRD time.

I think this will be my last post when it comes to my emotions for someone whom I loved most but let’s accept the reality that it is already part of my past.

Things got complicated “again” when he texted me not just friendly messages but love quotes “and I received phone calls with his name in my phone screen (obviously). I knew he was trying to catch my heart AGAIN and AGAIN. It wasn’t being a “feelerette” but I was just a person trying to absorb everything that he wanted to convey and the mere fact that he was courting me AGAIN and AGAIN.

We became lovers for four years and broke up and again, we try to patch things up and be lovers for a second time in six months. Unfortunately, things got worst so we ended our relationship all over again with bitterness in our hearts. We try to comprehend our feelings and I could consider him as my “special friend” even though I told him that we were just PLAIN FRIENDS “daw”.

I knew that I really love him in a first place. I was not blinded by his actions that he was showing the love and concern in spite of long distances that we had. I really knew him from head to toe or in Pinoy idiomatic expression “alam ko ang likaw ng kanyang bituka”.

But the complicated part was I told him that I am a person who doesn’t believe in long lasting relationships. If someone like him would make me feel that I am the most beautiful transvestite in the world because he loved me for the rest of his life, well, REALITY CHECK! I can never bear a child for him to know the essence of what we called family.

No matter how he explained to me his emotions and blah blah blah… I knew that I wanted to live my life “again” with his love and trust but eventually… IM AFRAID THAT YOU WILL LEAVE ME AND SAY… I WANT TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO WILL COMPLETE MY DREAM TO HAVE A WONDERFUL FAMILY AND TO HAVE KIDS IN MY OWN BLOOD.

That’s the primary reason why I don’t want to have a relationship with him “again” coz I’m facing the truth in my life. We are not teens that being drama queen is the best way when it comes to this matter. I am almost confused to the point that loving him is the hardest thing I experienced in my whole life and if I could turn back the time, I wish that I was not able to be your friend and a lover. I wish that you are a stranger in my existence.

I hope you will read this post. Kinikilig ako sa mga ginagawa mo and its normal but deep inside, it kills me so much that all these things that you did to me will ended up into nothing. I decided not to be your lover again.

But remember this: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SO THAT”S THE REASON I’M SETTING YOU FREE… (ouch!)

Connivance

I spend my weekends with my TN family and wag ka… it was really one of the best trips I ever had this school year.

Last Saturday, I was in a verge of “pagkamika” (another term for boredom) coz of sleepless night I had experience due to blogging and other stuffs! Hehe! And that day… hmmmm… akala mo English ang post… haha!! Di ko masyado maexpress ang aking mga thoughts ngayon pag English ang ipopost kaya malaking pasensiya lalong lalo na sa TN staff (specifically Ta Marvs at iba pa diyan).

Hay naku hay naku… nakakalokang mga pangyayari ang mga naganap sa La toundra last weekend. Honestly, it was my second time nung makasama ko ulit ang TN staff sa isang malabonggang celebration tulad ng Lakra at ngayon, farewell party at awards night daw ng TN o The Norsunian. Nung Saturday, nawindang ako sa aking self kasi wala pa akong gown na pangprincess daw dahil yung gown ko eh nasa kabilang bahay namin at wala pa akong summer outfit kaya it ended up na nakatayo lang ako sa aking aparador ng 30 minutes at walang ginawa kundi magstare sa aking aparador.

Hapon ko na naisipang pumunta sa kabilang bahay para kunin ang aking gown kasama si Nadine (my friend). At ang nakakawindang na pangyayari eh nakita namin in front sa school ang TN staff na nakaupo sa gutter at nag-aantay ng aming service papuntang Le Toundra at confident kami ni Nadine na mauuna sila doon dahil malayo pa ang aming lalakbayin papunta sa kabilang bahay namin. At laking gulat namin ni Nadine na nauna pa kaming dumaitng doon sa Le Toundra at nag-antay ng 659 years.

Lumubog ang araw at obviously gabi na siya, It was a night of princesses and prince ang concept sa party at akala ko pa naman na ako ang pinakamagandang prinsesa na fresh at walang stress… dun ako nagkamali. Ilan ang girls sa TN? Ang sagot ay 16 ang girls at ilan ang nagpamake-up sa kanilang faces…? Ang sagot ay 10! Para akong nagmake-up ng kasal! At habang enjoy na enjoy sila sa kanilang faces na nagmukha namang tao eh eto ako… naiwang huggard at in fairness di kumakapit ang make-up sa face ko sa reason na napagod ang aking self. Naghanap pa ako ng malamig na tubig para kumapit ang foundation. Haay naku….


Ang lahat ay nagmukhang prinsepe at prinsesa pero ang iba ay talagang fire-out tulad ni joel My Life. Ngayon lang ako nakakita ng prince na nakadenim ang pants habang formal ang taas. Iniisip ko nalang na isa siyang modern day prince na dumalo na isang MTV awards o Grammy awards. Alam ko rin naman ang fact na di ako nagmukhang prinsesa ng gabing iyon. Isa akong Queen… “Beauty Queen”! kulang nalang ay sash at crown ng Ms. Universe na Mikimoto Pearls ang ginamit. Isipin nalang natin na ako ang prinsesa sa Russia at dumalo ng isang feeding program para sa mga prinsepe at prinsessang walang makain sa kanilang palasyo! Hahaha! Kidding!

Natapos ang party ng 6 am ng umaga dahil nagsimula ito ng 12 midnight. Kung tutuusin di na makakadalo si Cinderella sa party namin at uuwi siya na gutom na gutom at walang prince charming ang nakapansin sa kanya. Anyway… another party on the next day na nagsimula ulit ng 12 in the midnight at ang concept sa party eh Summer outfit na may FLOWERS ang print sa outfit. Accidentally, pinahiram ko ang casual outfit ko kay Chessa (my friend) at ang ending… ako ang walang masuot. Alam ko rin naman na sinaniban ako ni Rajo Laurel ng gabing iyon kaya project runway ang drama ng aking dress. Ang ending, tahi dito, tahi doon at ang product… maxi dress ang concept. Sinabihan pa ako ni Junrell (ang dakilang Critic ng TN) na wala daw siyang nakitang flower sa aking dress at tribal daw ang nakita niya. Meron namang maliliit na flowers ang aking dress at di nyo ba alam… uso ang maxi dress pag nasa beach ka. Kung si Bebe Gandanghari nga nung ininterview siya sa SNN, nasa Bora siya at nakamaxidress habang naglalakad sa beach… ako pa kaya? Hehe!! Anyway… di talaga maiiwasan ang pagkafire-out ni Joel my life again dahil sa kanyang STRIPES na polo na color orange at ang lower eh jogging pants na white na may denim sa loob!. Isipin nalang natin na summer nga naman ang outfit niya coz nag-aantay lang naman siya ng fishes sa sea sakay ng bangka at in short “mangingisda”.



Anyway, tama na pang-ookray ng outfit. The most important thing was I spend my days with CarlaMoi, Cathy, Jick and NakNak, my CoTnstaff and at the same time, my friends. I know na masyado na akong naattach sa kanila. Sobrang dami ng memories na naiwan nila sa life ko and I would like to thank them. Sa totoo lang, mega cry ang lola mo. Pero I have to accept the fact meron rin silang landas na kailangang tahakin at yun na yun.



Haay naku… haay naku… basta… sa tatlong araw kong kasama sila, I should say that it was a special weekend to remembered and cherished.

Ang witchakra

Hanggang ngayon, di pa rin tapos ang documentary film naming na ang title ay Siquijor. Sa totoo lang tintamad akong gumawa ng post tungkol sa journey naming doon sa tinatawag nilang Isla Del Fuego. Siguro… di pa organize ang aking thoughts with regards to that matter or natatakot lang ako na baka magreact ulit si Junrell if ever magpost ako ng mga sentences na nakakasira sa pangalan ng Siquijor!! Hahaha!!! Just kidding.

For your Info… ang salitang Witchakra ay salitang galing sa witchcraft. Siguro… tatawagin ko tong slip of the tongue dahil may ugali talaga ako na bigla nalang nagsasalita ng mga words na out of this world. Sa mahigit na apat na araw na nanatili kami sa siquijor, ang daming lumabas na out of this world na mga words sa aking mouth. Ganoon talaga ako… minsan may mga words na wala naman sa dictionary pero minsan rin naman… may mga words din akong alam na hindi alam ng iba na nasa dictionary… ohaaa!!

Sana naman… matapos na ang docu. Naming tungkol sa shamanism at sorcery. Kala ko nga tapos na sem pero di pa rin pala. Hehe!! Pero eto ako… still strong and soaring high daw. Matapos kong tapusin ang “pangusog” daw na blog ko as Marvin said, gumagawa ulit ng post para naman sa nakabinbin na post ko tungkol sa siquijor. Ang malakig question is kelan kaya ako makakagawa ng post na iyan. Sana magawa ko… sana…

Diary Fever...

Kung tutuusin, masyado atang nauuso ang mga emo on the making sa ating “small world”. Kahit ako… nahahawa sa mga emo palibhasa nagkafriend kami ni carlamoi na isa ring emo. Kagabi, bigla ko nalang nakita ang aking diary way back 6 years at naisipan kong iflick ang mga pages at nawindang ako sa mga nakasulat doon.

Nakakatawang isipin na sa araw-araw pala ng ginawa ng diyos nung high skul ako eh puro kakirian at kalandian lang ang nangyayari. Walang kamatayang chismisan to the max tungkol sa mga crushes at puro patweetums at pacute sa classroom, benches at pati sa school grounds. Based on my diary, meron akong 20 crushes nung second year ako at puro kachorvahan lang ang alam para mapansin ng onti. Pero I was raised by my mom na pagirl kaya in fairness, di alam ng mga crushes ko na crush ko sila coz di naman me paobvious. Nauso ang mga screen names ng mga crushes tulad nalang ng Aeriol, screen name ni Emerson; Spike, ang screen name ni Kishin at kung anu-ano pa.

ang pinakachakang pic ko together with Emphee (note: sindya ko talaga na ito ang poic na gamitin dahil natatawa ako sa kilay ko before...)

Nakakairitang isipin na almost half sa diary ko eh puro laman ay si Emphee. Haay naku… kung tutuusin, tama nga naman. Halos half ng high school life ko eh puro nalang Emphee at walang kamatayang Emphee ang naisusulat ko ng mga panahong iyon. It was January 12, 2002 nung una akong nag-inarte kay Emphee. Alas 7 ng umaga at maaga pa para mag-inarte na bigla nalang sinita ni Emphee ng pajoke joke joke ang laman ng aking yellow knapsack na illustrazio ang brand na usong-uso pag high school life. By the way, si Emphee ay isang corp commander nun, So sa sobrang maasim ko ng mga panahong iyon, nag-inarte ang bastarrda kaya ayun, nagtaka si Emphee kung bakit di ko siya pinansin the whole day. Eh kung mararapatin nga lang, ganoon ang ginagawa ko LAGI pag naiinis ako kay Emphee kahit wala namang rason. May kababawan pero ganoon talaga pag nasa high school days daw, Confessions of a teenage drama queen ang drama.
Nakakaiyak gunam-gunamin na natigil ang pagsusulat ko ng Diary dahil ulit kay Emphee. Narealize ko na msayadong madrama na ang nangyayari at ayoko ng maging martyr dahil kay Emphee. Wala naman akong galit kay Emphee at yun ang totoo pero nung mga panahong iyon eh masyado akong nasaktan ng sobra sobra. Alam naman niya yun kaya ilang beses kaming nag-usap at we want to work things out as a friend or special friend “daw” pero may kirot pa ring naiiwan sa part ko kaya the only way to stop this problem daw is itigil ang pagsusulat ng memories tungkol kay Emphee at itigil ang pagsusulat ng Diary dahil alam ko naman na siya nanaman ULIT ang laman nito.

Si Borge, Emphee, ako at si Ramel. eto kami ni Emphee ngayon... friends pa rin... hahahaha!!!

Ang corny corny isipin pag nababasa ko ulit yung mga moments na umiiiyak ako dahil kay Emphee ulit na may pages pa sa Diary ko na may patak ng luha ko daw yun. Kung susumahin lahat eh halos 10 pages ng diary ko eh ganun ang concept na may teardrop ek-ek. Mabuti nga at di umabot sa point na nagsunog ako ng memorabilias at sinunog ko ang Diary ko tulad nalang ng ginawa ni Fifi noon dahil kay Edward na nagsunog ng pics at kung anu-ano pa sa isang kacheapang lata ng ice cream. Di man lang naisipan sa banga para may class tsk tsk tsk. Meron ding isang kacornyhan pa na it was February 16 2004 nung naglaro kami ni Fifi, Bes, ryan at ako ng larong “Mangga Mangga Hinog Ka Na Ba”. Ang mechanics ng game ay pagkatapos kantahin ang chant ay kaylangang magsabi ng first letter sa mga names na nakasex ni Bes sa SFA boys. Nagulat ang ilan sa mga SFA boys kung bakit kami nagsasbi ng first letter at obvious naman na sila yung pinipinppoint naming nun. At least, kung pinagchichismisan kami ng SFA boys kung sino ang magaling magdrive when it comes to sex eh mag pinagchichismisan namin kung sino ang may malaki o maliit o mabuhangin (Bes si VJ bay un…? kIDDING) na nota sa SFA. Di ba??... and for your info eh di masyadong active ang aking orgasm coz napako ako sa pagmamahal kay Emphee at may ganoong factor at totoo yun.



Haay naku… nakakaloka ang lahat ng pangyayari nung binasa ko ulit ang diary ko. At least… if ever mahimlay ako sa kabibe na may flowers at isusubmerge somewhere in Atlantic Ocean eh nakabilin ako ng pamana sa mga mahal ko sa buhay!! korekZ!!!

late post ko nang minsang mag-emote...

Date: Last week of January 2009
Matagal na akong MARTYR!

Eto na naman… buti nalang nagising pa ako! at habang nagmumunimuni sa aking higaan na sabihin na nating isa sa paborito kong gawin pagkatapos kong imulat ang aking mga mata, may naramdaman akong di kanais-nais. Ewan ko ba kung bakit kailangan pang ibalik kung ano ang nangyari sa mahabang oras ng kahapon (as in literal ng kahapon) at kailangan ko pa bang isipin ng paulit-ulit kung bakit nangyayari sa buhay ko ang mga ganitong eksena.

Siguro, ako na yata ang taong sa araw-araw na ginawa ng diyos, sabihin na natin na puro kalokohan, kaokrayan, at puro nalang kakalogan ang nakikita ng mga taong nasa paligid ko. Hindi ko nga alam kung nalalaman ba nila na tao rin naman ako na marunong magdrama at marunong rin naman umiyak. Nasasaktan rin naman ako pero di ko lang pinapakita dahil ayokong maging madrama ang buong araw ko at umiyak ng balde balde na parang talon ng Maria Cristina. Kung alam lang nila… emosyonal rin ako.

Naglalaro ang aking guni-guni na sana, magkaroon ako ng kapangyarihan na na maglakbay sa kalawakan kahit isang araw lang. kung 9.18… (di ko na matandaan ang unit! Pasensya!) ang gravity sa mundo, sana man lang maging magaan ang aking pakiramdam para di ko man lang maramdaman ang poot, pasakit, hinanakit at kung anu-ano pang salita na pwede ihalintulad sa salitang GALIT!.

Puro nalang karamdaman, nararamdaman, paramdaman… haay… galing lamang sa salitang “Ramdam”. Masyado ng naapektuhan ang aking isipan. Lagi nalang bumabalik… lagi nalang!

Ayoko ng masaktan… ayoko ng makaramdam… ayoko ng pagtaksilan ang aking sarili na kayak o pa ang lahat ngunit di naman pala!! Nababaliw na ako kakaisip kung ano bang dapat kong gawin. Ano nga ang dapat?

GALIT… GALIT… GALIT ako sa sarili ko. Nagagalit ako dahil kailangan ko pa bang maramdaman na unti-unti akong pinapatay ng emosyon na di ko rin matanggap na pinangungunahan ako ng walang maliw. Naiinis ako sapagkat ang pinakamasakit sa lahat ng tema ng buhay ay ang pamilya. Pamilya ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagkakaganito!

Mahirap sabihin sa iba sapagkat natatakot ako na malaman nila kung sino ako sa gitna ng masayahing pagkatao. Naaasiwa ako na magkuwento dahil naiilang akong pag-usapan ang bagay-bagay sa buhay ko. Mahirap pero kailangan kong gawin.

Pasensiya na kung masyado akong masayahin o maligalig sa harapan niyo… pero minsan… may pagkakataon na kailangan ko ring umiyak at masaktan…

Ngayon ang pagkakataon na to… pangyayaring magulo at umiikot na parang trumpo ang isipan… sana maging sensitibo ang iba sakaling makita nila ako ngayong araw na ito… na hindi lahat ng bagay ay puro kaligayan…

Sa bawat kaligayahan, mayroon ding kalungkutan. Sino ba ang malulungkot kung lumigaya ang isang tao, di ba ang kanyang kapwa tao rin?

Ito ang daigdig
Daigdig na may dadalawang sulok
Sa isang sulok na may kabaligtaran ang lahat ng ito…

Happy Birthday Ryan...

Hi girl… musta…? Long time no see ha…? By the way it’s been months ata or a year since nung nag-usap tayo at sobrang tagal na nun di ba? At alam ko rin na busy ka diyan sa Tate at as usual… busy din me dito sa kinalulunggaan ko.

And you know what…? Birthday mo na pala at you’re lucky na naalala ko pa! hehe!!

Haay naku… its been so many years nung di na tayo nag-usap o nagmeet man lang. kaw kasi may nalalaman ka pang United States. Sa bagay… mas malaki ang taxes na binabayaran mo dito sa pinas di ba? And its been so many years nung nakumpleto ang Maryajheramhey at kelan kaya ulit yun mauulit? Well we have to wait for the right time para mabuo ulit tayo.

Girl sinubok na tayo ng panahon and do you remember kung anong Sinabi mo sa letter na binigay mo sa akin nung farewell ng SFA? Kung alalahanin mo yung mga panahon na iyon eh banggalou ang lola mo!! Yarukin ba naman ang emperador ng walang chaser… natatawa tuloy ako ngayon pag naaalala ko yun!

You told me that time na ang Maryajheramhey eh mga ambisyosa talaga pagdating sa pangarap natin na maging girl. Look at us now (puwera lang kay mhey na nagbalik anyo) ang laki ng innovation sa ating lahat. Minsan tayong nangarap na maging girl sa pictorials natin na inabot ng alas-dose ng gabi dahil sa walang kamatayang pangangambisyon natin. Haay naku… di na tayo ang gumagawa ng move para magustuhan ng mga guys… tayo na ang nilalapitan at di pa nakuntento… hinuhuthutan pa ang mga guys tulad nalang ng ginagawa ko! San ka pa… nakaRusty Lopez na sandals dahil sa 2500 ng isang kano..? hehe!! Buhay nga naman.

Kahit ako… namimiss ko ang Maryajheramhey ng sobra. Every night, I'm always missing you guys coz you are those persons who molded me kung ano ako ngayon. You are one of my ever dearest sisters na minahal ako kung sino si Jhe na maingay at amplifier ng SFA before, artist on the making sa Tone at kayo rin ang naging witness sa pagmamahal ko kay emphee before (anyway its not a secret anymore at matagal na panaaon na iyon at nakamove on na “daw” ako… hehe!) siyempre, in so blessed na binigyan ako ng girl na tulad mo na magkavibes when it comes to fashion and shopping.

Girl… just always remember na ang marya ay magkakabit pa rin ang radar ng bawat isa. Lagi momg tatandaan na those battles that we experienced before eh naging part ang maryajheramhey at di mawawala ang role natin with each other. I was totally amazed of our friendship coz until now, the friendship remained the same as before at if magkitakita tayo eh alam ko na makakati pa tayo sa higad at mga echoserang palaka pa rin tayo. We have our own lives right now and we just have to comprehend things right now.

Time will come that we will meet each other again and we will treasure every memories that we will experience.

Just wanted to say a happy birthday to you and don’t worry, Im always be here for you and no matter what happens, I’m just the same Jhe na maingay, maharot at LESBIANA that you always knew before…

Sosyal ha… for public reading ang letter ko sa iyo. At least innovation di ba…? Nasa blog ko pa. hehe be careful sa mga secrets ng MARYA!!!

Si Bea na walang magawa kundi mag-isip…

Ang pic na ito ang kasalukuyang ginagawa ko ngayon dahil sa newsletter ni Sir Amardz
alam ko rin na mali ang Negrense dahil may apostrophe S... pasensiya

Eto na naman… nagbloblog sa kalgitanaan ng busybusyhan na buhay… FIY or for your information… ilang araw na akong ganito. Wlang saktong tilog dahil sa tinatawag na finals. Sa totoo lang gusto ng maggive-up ng katawan ko pero kelangan tapusin ang lahat. Pero aftermath naman nito eh puro enjoyment ang mangyayari… (sana nga lang)

Naiisip ko na sa dami dami ng dapat kong dapat pang isipin eh biglang sumegway sa utak ko ang paggraduate nila Hannah, Carla, and the rest of the seniors sa mundo ng journalismo. Nakakatuwang isipin na napasa nila ang sandamakmak na trabaho at puro newslegging at pati sa mga kamay ni Sir Romy. Pero higit sa lahat… nakakamiss isipin na wala na sila next year at kami ata susunod sa yapak nila. Hayyyyy….

Sumagi rin sa isip ko ang pagpaparinig ni Junrell na baka di na daw siya ang EIC ng TN. Of course may chances pero kung ako ang tatanungin… sana wag nalang. At speaking… nagtext ng quote etong taong to saying goodbyes… haay di naman sa pagiging straw pero siguro nasanay lang ako sa ugali niya. Di ko na kelangang magexplain coz alam ko may mga tao sa TN na tulad ni marvin na insecure at magrereact nanaman ng kung anu-anong bagay.

Nasa isip kio rina ang pag-uwi ni Aimi ng walang okasyon at nagmamaasim na umuwi na daw ako ng uraurada dahil daw sa kanya at babalik daw siya sa Japan mga 22nd of April. Kung mababasa mo lang ang blog na to… wala akong panahon magtext dahil busy talaga ako. Alam mo naman ako diba…? Kay emphee mo lang malalaman kung nakauwi nako o hindi… (hanggang ngayon may emphee syndrome pa rin) share ko lang…

Hay… nakakapaogd mag-isip sobra…

Ang Hirap ng buhay student journalist…

Pag ako natapos sa sa mga articles na nakamamatay… watch… tatamblingan ko ang freedom park ng two times… tapos magbebending ako sa harapan ni Ninoy Aquino… watch talaga…

Actually, ginagawa ko tong post na to ng alas 4 ng madaling araw at hanggang ngayon, di pa me nakakasulat ng article kahit lead man lang. ewan ko kung bakit… at ang kagandahan nito eh passing na ng articles this Friday… ang magaling na Bea di pa nagsusulat… ang husay…

Inaamin ko na mahirap maging isang manunulat sa mundo ng journalism. Facts… Facts at walang pakundangang News Leg ang kelangan gawin para mailathala kung anong gusto mong ipahiwatig sa mga sinusulat mong mga echos echos… (teka… nosebleed?)
Minsang nanahimik ang mundo ko sa pagiging arkitektura at ngayon… ibat-ibang uri ng tao ang nakakasalamuha at nakakausap ko. Tourism officer, puro mga opisyales sa LGU at kahit mambabarang di pinatawad… ang husay talaga…

Nakakapagod pero ang sarap ng pakiramdam ng isang “student journalist”. Kelangan ng tatag ng loob, isip at lagi mo dapat katabi sa gilid mo si “Confident” at maging miyembro ng alpakapalmuks…

Mabuti nga at naranasan ko ang ganitong pagkakataon ngayon at baka ito ang mundo ko pagkatapos kong mag-aral… mundo ng journalism!

Sana sa bawat sigarilyo na hinihithit ko pag stressful, mga burger na kinakain ko pag nag-oovernight sa TN office at eto… ang lecheng Marvin Jay Mupal… naiinsecure sa ginagagawa kong post at may lakas ng loob pang nagcomment… habang ang aking mga kapwa student journalist eh nagcracramming sa mga articles eh eto ako… ang kapal kapal ng mukha na gumawa pa ng blog post… well isa lang masasabi ko… hindi talaga umaandar ang utak ko sa mga oras na to… at sana worth it ang pagpuyat ko ngayong araw at sa susunod pang mga araw…

Well… I wish myself a good luck… makakasulat pa kaya ako ng feature article regarding Negros bleeding Heart pigeon at spotted deer?… titingan ko…

how to live life as a transgender

Everyone has a right to live and respected.

Transgender is a general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors, and groups involving tendencies that diverge from the normative gender role (woman or man) commonly, but not always, assigned at birth, as well as the role traditionally held by society as Wikipedia define it. The term itself may lead to other umbrella terms like cross-dresser, polysexual, genderqueer etc. The subtle change of its cycle from 1960’s up to the present still finds its way to be respected by the society. Isn’t it hard to live life as a member of the third sex? How do they tackle up the issues and controversies in our community?

People say that transgender are too insatiable when it comes to sex reassignment therapy. Valid reasons for most people think that they have plenty of cash just to have a surgery with their breasts and other parts of their body.

Rianne Barrameda, 22, a Gay Amazing Philippines transgender said that you have to invest money because if you are willing to be a transgender, you must go to scientific operations like breast enlargement and of course, sex transplant. She also stressed that she was taking hormonal pills like Dianne and Premarin which were over the counter drugs.

“It’s really hard to be a transgender. You have to take risks but it feels great coz I am able to say that I am really a woman nowadays, mentally, spitritually and of course physically” she said.

Liza Marie Cklein Corcamp, 18, also a transgender was started her surgery at the age of 16. It was painful but then, she was happy with the results. She will have a surgery next month for her breast enlargement and the cost of the surgery is worth P60, 000.


Money is indeed one factor to be a transgender. Some of these set of people had their sponsors like “Hapon” or Japanese Dirty Old Men or “Mayricks” American Old Men whose job is to send money just to have surgery in their bodies. Being a transgender is really expensive and that’s a fact.

Some transgenders had these thoughts they want to be loved by someone and live life normally with husbands and these transgenders will have their tags as they want to call “WIVES” in documents and not in words only. Bessy, also a transgender said that she wanted to live life normally and to escape from discrimination especially when finding a right man is to be a woman. She also said that even though they are scientifically enhanced as to be a woman but still, they have this heart that they want to be loved by someone who is sincere and has a pure heart.

A words uttered by every transgender are indeed true. They have this factor that we have to live life to the fullest just to gain respect and dignity. Living a life as a transgender has this two sectors, the brighter and the darker side.

From many peoples' perspective, including ourselves, transgendered individuals are often ready to take on a challenge, to have fun, who refuse to settle for anything less than a very full, complete life. The aim of this Site, however, is not to sing the praises of transgendered individuals. Rather, what we hope to accomplish is to give you some insight into what it is like to transition successfully into a new gender role.

We hope to get you to think about what you are doing or yearning to do even if that involves saying things that conflict with your own outlook on life. In that regard, we have tried to pull no punches when it comes to the difficulties, as well as the joys, of starting a new life. You may not agree with some of the things that we say. That is fine. Certainly you must ultimately decide matters for yourself. It is, after all, your own personal journey. We hope you agree that if you want to undergo a gender change, a new understanding and a new way of thinking are very important. You may even discover that changing your body is less challenging than changing some of the ways of your thinking.

Emotional Dystrophy

He can control his emotions…

In a world where there is a subtle change, everyone must admit that confusions are the best way to learn the basics of truth and fact. Despite of all these challenges, one must survive and not be a victim on it.

Intimacy through others may lead to valid experiences with primary reasons and Intimacy may lead to infatuation… and on the latter part, it may direct to the most talk about issue… LOVE

There was once a person who tried to hide his emotions when it comes to this matter. I don’t understand why this pal has to be on the verge of trouncing the feelings that he/she had kept for almost months. Maybe it was a part of his attitude not to show his thoughts or he was afraid of the consequences. I must admit that both of these statements are correct… in my own point!

When I tried to talk to him, he was aloof of discussing his feelings to the person whom he loved. He tried to open-up so many topics just to change our theme of conversation. The only thing he said to me was “I was in love with the person whom I knew HE didn’t appreciate my love after all.

Yeah… he was merely a gay. Actually… he was a transvestite kind of homosexual. I have an excuse to use a pronoun SHE! Anyway…I know that some of us didn’t understand about this kind of issue. Maybe they just laughed about it or just say “Kaluod or Yuck! Hahaay … If I only had a chance to talk with these people, I will explain to them that love has no boundaries at all.

The most complicated part that I didn’t also understand was HE/SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER GAY! But he was not a transvestite but a Bisexual (another set or clan of homosexuals). It was a horrible thing that I heard and the filthiest story I had ever encountered. I tried to cover up all of my insanity but I said to my transvestite friend “ Lahi na jud ang world karun… bisag ako nalibog sa imong emotions”.

When I used the quote LOVE HAS NO BOUNDARIES… it made me sense that I had no basis of judging someone that he just wanted to loved and to be loved. It made me also realized that it was not “makaluod” because the most important thing here is the heart and not the gender or sex. We just try to comprehend… comprehend…again comprehend this kind of story.

It was a sunny day when I saw my transvestite friend in the mirror. He just wanted to say a BIG THANX for the sympathy that I gave to him/her. I cried because that person was ME! No one can truly understand what my emotions were but I tried to control it in order for me to live my life normally.


I knew that my confusions started when I tried to fall in love in a different way. I was aware that I was crazy with my feelings. Accepting the fact that he was a gay… I covered my eyes with a hanky and focused with his inner persona. People around me heard my thoughts regarding this… but they covered their eardrums and saw it visually and not emotionally.

I laid down my body. I was tired of releasing every inch of my pain each day went by. The battle between conflict and change startled and circulated my whole system. I wanted to get rid of this but suicidal was not an easiest thing to make.

At last, every battle must end and the TROJAN WAR had to be finished (too exaggerated!). The student publication in our university accepted my application as one of their staff. Of course, I was happy and maybe it was a God’s plan and I had a right to say that GOD WAS SO GOOD. Things got sarcastically that again…. I tried to force myself not to fell in love with my BISEXUAL dream guy anymore coz he was a member of the said publication. From that moment, Rules are rules! And the rule was NO FREE LOVE.

But behind these circumstances, I don’t consider it as a mistake or failure in my 21 years of my journey towards life. I admit that it is one of the hardest emotions I ever felt. But one thing that I like most of my character is I know how to handle this kind of situation. As I’ve said… I can control my feelings. Though other people will say that it’s difficult to solve and I don’t care if people will judge me about this but for me… I love the way the story goes by.

Its not a typical love story of a boy and a girl, a transgender and a boy, a lesbian and a girl, a bisexual and a bisexual but this a funny story of a transvestite and a bisexual.

As I’ve said, I can manipulate my thoughts… I can…

Style against the Dress code

It doesn’t matter if what style you want to show. Stick to your own fashion with rules and limits.

Norsunians were totally affected when a resolution was placed regarding dress code policy. Some of the students were having their tantrums where tube tops, shorts, slippers (even though its Havaiannas brand) were not allowed to enter the campus even on Saturdays. Strict implementation of dress code was really a hard time to consider for students who were naturally born “Fashionista”. The primary reason was they were totally blocked with their freedom to express what they were.

Well, wearing spaghetti strapped tank tops or tattered jeans don’t mean that you are really in style or you are one of the best dressed students in NORSU. You don’t have to be hard headed when it comes to this matter. Being “Fashionista” can be achieved without confiscating your ID’s and just yelling or scolding the newly hired white guards in the gates of the campus. Here are some of the tips to solve your own dilemma if you are “really” conscious with your outfit and be stylish during schooldays.

Tattered Jeans: Big no-no in the campus

Based on the resolution, wearing tattered jeans is not permitted. Some of the EMO’s (emotionally disturbed), rockers or even punks are using this kind of jeans. But you can wear tattered jeans in one condition; no skin will reveal in your pants. Chief Security Officer Nilo Lauron confirmed this statement.

Solution: if you have tattered jeans, get another cloth (whether it is denim of khaki) which is similar to the color of your pants and sew the tattered part overlapped the cloth or you can sew the tattered part in a jagged or zigzag pattern either vertical or horizontal.

Say Hi to spaghetti strapped tops

These kind of upper garments are sexy and too revealing. Lots of skin expose through the sunrays that will end up whirling the eyes of the guys into your “bootylicious” body (Even the guards will run at you!). Of course, it is one of Best Barred outfits in the university.

Solution: you can wear these tops by wearing a bolero (a cropped garment with short and long sleeves covers a less of the torso). This 2009, Boleros are more fashionable this season where puffed sleeves and pastel colors are in the midst of runway shows nowadays.

You can also wear buttoned sweatshirts over these killer tops. Just make sure that it’s not really a warm and humid day that will cause you to perspire too much.

Layering is another trend of mixing and matching other pieces of clothes to make more tasteful. You can layer up a pastel plain shirt under colored or dyed spaghetti straps for summer look.

Open flats are IN but not in NORSU

It doesn’t mean that it is a MUST to wear three inch heels and be “Ugtos” during schooldays because your legs are begging for help to rest and sit for a while. Footwear is one of the important elements in fashion that will make a white fitted shirt and straight jeans look stylish and trendy. And so, the conclusion is, footwear is essential to one’s style.

Solution: An inch of a heel will do but the best advice I can give you is wear wedge footwear. Wedge footwear has a sole in the form of a wedge that is much thicker at the back than in front.

For those studs that are in a sporty or laidback style, chucks are the best alternative of wearing a bulky rubber shoes. Chucks are canvas type of rubber shoes produced by a well known brand ‘Converse” and nowadays, some chucks are available in stores at low cost (unless if you can afford Chuck Taylor or Converse shoes). Chucks are presented in different colors and prints so you have a variety of time to match up with your skinny jeans and a cute top.

Doll shoes and Jelly shoes are rampant in NORSU especially in the third sex or gays (which are also having their own set of dress code). We all know that this kind of shoes is really comfortable and a good friend to our toes but Open toe shoes is more convenient way to use. This kind of shoe is open to the toe area but not considered as open sandal.

The term fashion can be synonymous for glamour, beauty and positive sense. It is an art where you can examine the notions of self respect and dignity.

As a Norsunian, we obey the rules regarding dress codes but this will not a hindrance not to be stylish and trendy. Fashion is part of our character!