Monday, May 31, 2010


It’s started out as an attitude problem…
What’s the essence why people wanted to feel melodramatic schemes just to feel the sympathy towards people around them? What is your stand to those people who are too desperate and a looser because of their so called foolish acts? I do not want to blame these people… some are born to be like these.
I know that I have been so melodramatic… a drama queen as they say… and now I realize that it’s not right to act like a sick-little-puppy-dog attitudes. It is too annoying too make things too hard for you to recover and you want to be an emo wannabe…. You have to do "self pity" stories because you crave for comfort. You have to be a protagonist and the rest of the people you want to act as antagonists in your lives are those people you hated most. You put flowery words in your fairy tales turned nightmares to the ears of those people who listens you well….
I have been through that stage… and its one of my attitude problem. Before it will get into my nerves and be a mental problem… I stopped it until someone uses this kind of technique… It makes me feel like I am a dumbest person in the world… and it freaks me out!
I have no choice but to forgive and ignore these so called “desperate looser” people. I have no choice because I want peace of mind. These thoughts tell me that whenever you want to be a drama queen of KING… just remember that you have to clean your own sheets and enjoy seeing people who sincerely they give advises, hugs and concerns that are too disappointing to hear and behind the tears..., its rediculous and worst...untrue! That’s life... you have to deal with lots of drama but too much drama will cause you to have a mental problem…
I ought to forgive these people for I am one of them. But I will try to be mature in dealing with these crazy people because they are worst than me. I have to convince myself that these people are not annoying and desperate. It’s their choice… not mine. I have to respect it.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

23 years... still alive!

Time sails smoothly and days are definitely rushing into my nerves. It’s been almost a month of having myself being jaded with all of the things that I want to do and savor the hours of non stop working, thinking and constructing my life on the outside world. Pieces of thoughts brought me in… it’s been one year… my life revolves in the publication. It’s like I am in a battlefield. I have to deal with intelligent people, trying to squeeze my brains and skills. It’s like I am in the psychiatric ward. I have to deal with different people and crazy ones. I have to deal with lots of individuals who have “attitude problems” and it makes me realize that every TN staffers has their own personality disorders Haha! Forgive me but it’s true.
I do remember last year… my greatest gift that I ever received was… TN accepted me as one of their staffers and I was really happy. Honestly, Noriel was the first person who told me that I was accepted… it was May 27, 2009 when I received the so called VERDICT… it was a little drama that I didn’t knew that I was accepted and the fact remains that I was making my “nervous chuva” that time and I liked it how it feels.
Its one year ahead… again, I’m writing this post not in the TN office… I’m writing it in my own cubicle at MyVS, a little company that caters content writing jobs and costumer service representatives as well. I applied as a writer last April 10 and got hired and be an administration assistant position last May 1 and I quote what my supervisor said… WHICH IS GREAT!
I am not a good writer (may mga tao lang na nagpupumilit na magaling sila). Marvin and Junrell (my friends) can attest on that! When it comes to time management, I am always late at least two hours ( Ariane, Junrell and Marvin are my living witnesses! Hahaha!)… In other words, as of this moment, I do not understand the fact why I am chosen to be on that position. It is a reality basis and it is not a char! Based on my performance, there are some cases that I can’t reach my quota and there are times that I’m always late… I don’t know what the reasons are and I have to deal with it… as I’ve said, it is another challenge for me to cope up! It is another thing that I must admit…
Before, I used to mingle with my publication colleagues. It’s like everyday I am used with the jokes and DEATH NOTES! (sori guys… I ought to think that word as an alternative way of saying “patyanay”) well… I admit that it’s funny but not all the times… I consider it as joke!
Aside from everyday DEATH NOTES and chuva in the TN office, these people trained me well. I thought that being 69 years late will not be changed at all. I thought bingka moments are always good to hear. I thought that being stubborn and lazy will stick into my system. And I thought… talking about serious stuffs are as easy as putting flowery words like a feature writing! Which is not good! Working in the publication is not like absorbing the lessons in writing, photography and computer works. Dealing with your own attitude problems is also one thing that you have to realize. Sometimes, I have to realize my mistakes and change it with bright aspects. Sometimes, it is painful and there are people who throw stones at me because of flaws. Sometimes, I am too pissed off to those people who don’t understand me because I am a transvestite. It’s a matter of stereotyping anyway.
I have lots of flaws. I’m sorry I’m a human… an old excuse. TN helps me to accept my mistakes. TN helps me to be vulnerable and calm. TN helps me to change everything that I have to change. I’m sorry guys if I have done something wrong. Sorry if I am too harsh with my words, actions and bingka stuffs. It is really a lame excuse if I would say that it is part of my attitude, you have to deal with it.
Just a piece of thought, you have to change and learn from your mistakes. It’s really a normal thing to say but it’s really hard to do. Lessons and failures brought me in to be a “not so good” applicant in MyVS. I have to deal with employees that I should say “mas labad pa nako”. I have to discipline them and make a first move to follow all the rules and regulations in the office.
MyVS is just a mini-TN office. You have to write and you have to deal with “attitude problems” which is more gentle than in TN. You have to be prim and proper… well… it is so hard for me to do it because I AM ALWAYS MAKING PAGUBOT! Just a normal Bea that you used to know! Marvin once told me that “makatola akong personality” and it’s really really normal. I have to be strict and that’s one of my workloads. I have to follow the clock and not be a procrastinator. It’s a mature way of saying these thoughts… hey! I’m turning 23 this Friday! Haiizzzttt!
I already told myself that my life was not a mess. I have my family who are always there to support me even though I am so “pasaway” (laliman ba ka’g six years naa sa college? Masteral?), I have my night friends… bitchy ones! And on the other way around… day friends (just talking about BLD bukas loob sa diyos… Weird? Hahaha!) I have also my Burger delights buddies… and of course, gay and tumba patatas associates. Of course, I know that they will be always there for me, my another family, bhoy and the rest of the gang! And MyVS too. I also have CHAIRA and MARYA (I don’t have to spell it out!) and of course, SFA who are always here in my heart! I know that without these people, things will be more complicated , nastier and dull. What the F#$% I care if don’t have a lovelife? And What the SHIT I care if someone tell me that I am single and my life has no spice at all because I don’t have a BOYFRIEND?
I’m happy with my life right now. I am happy with all the scratches and clean sheets. I am glad that most people appreciate my talents and skills. I am so grateful that I reach another year in my life. I ought to understand every inch of my mistakes. Still life goes on… and another year will be added on my book of chuva! Haha!
To those people who will read this post… Please allow me to celebrate my special day… alone! You will not see me checking your time cards in the office, you will not see me walking on the pathways in NORSU and you will not see me hanging out in restobars and EscaƱo as well. You will see me sipping coffee in the Baytch! (Australian accent of beach) and relaxing my senses and body. I decided to celebrate my birthday alone… sort of soul searching! Hahaha!! Honestly I want to be free from stress! That’s all!
Well… All I can say is… HAPPY Birthday! And wish me great happiness and luck! I’m turning 23 this Friday! Hehe! Old? and stronger as ever!

Friday, May 14, 2010


despite of my busy sked (busy ba?), I forgot that I still own my ever chuva na blog to update. I was not able to express my whole feelings on what I was doing now... coz the fact remains talaga that I was too bombarded with lots of articles that i have to accomplish everyday. I even work at least 6 days a week to finish all the quotas and stuffs in the office (time cards, time sheets, receipts, and most especially... everyday reminder, yawyaw, flang, kasaba if muabsent na wala nananghid 2 hours before the shift, pabuyag na callers, mga writers na labad), I have to do it... or else... wala na akong trabahong babalikan.

I knew that I was busy constructing my life on the outside world. Honestly, there is one thing that i really miss a lot. Dealing with my publication colleagues, my so called family inside premises of NORSU, I knew the fact that I was not able to accomplish my tasks... in short i left them hanging with my responsibility. I ought to apologize that one.

If you are going to ask my dearest classmate, a friend and also, my co-officemate, david... to the baytch! working in the world of content writing is really hard. If i will describe it, its like a bunch of jejemon words that you have to write but unfortunately, it is not allowed and you have to write words without grammatical issues IN 30 minutes... a 500 word article plus the fact that you have no idea on the keywords or topics that you you have to write (like Flapwheels and chuva). Actually, I want to sleep at least 7 hours to cure my headache. I knew that there's no easy job in these world.

I almost forgot that I have lots of tasks to make in the publication. I knew some of you might say that I was irresponsible. Yah... you are right...

The thing is... as of now, I am still adjusting. I am still coping up with all these things in my life. There is a part of me saying that I have to give up the publication. there is a part of me that mumbles not to continue my responsibilities in TN. It is really informal if I just walk away without saying my goodbyes to my co-staffers.

It takes time to adjust. As the days gone by, another year in TN might touched my life and prepare myself with lots of tasks. I have to adjust my time in school, in publication and work. kaya ko ba?

I do not know what will happen next. Give me more days to adjust and maintain my body clock as well. I am not saying that I want to quit in the publication but pls give me time to settle things out for my own good. do not worry... i will manage it...

miss you TN guys!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

promoted? hahaha!!

It is a matter of hardwork and patience. I know that I deserve this but I am not prepared to handle this position because my experience is not enough.

I am not strict but it is obliged to do so. I am always late (very late) but I have to be early as much as I can. I am not an effective disciplinarian and now, it is my responsibility. I am not a good speaker but it is needed.

Maybe this will remark a new beginning in my life. To change my “tinapolan” and “bobita” attitudes. I have to be firm and I have to be responsible. I am spoiled and spoon feeded with the people around me. “What do you expect from jay-ar luyas”.

I have to accept the responsibility. I know some people will be proud of me. I am doing this because I want to learn. I have a fear but I will face it. I know I can.

I am not just a content writer. And welcome to another level! Admin assistant… here I come! Hehe!